The Struggling Artist

I don’t have any children, but if I ever do, I hope to God that they don’t want to pursue a career in the entertainment industry when they grow up…. Because if I have kids I’ll want them to have the best possible chance at happiness.

Ok yeah, that was a pretty depressing way to start this post. Sorry. I’ll lighten it up in a few paragraphs. I actually hadn’t even planned to write this post. My next post was supposed to be about how I chose my film crew. But last week I had dinner with a dear friend. An actor who is struggling, and despite his best efforts to stay positive it’s getting him down. I know this feeling all too well. I think depression is something that a lot of artists go through but we don’t often talk about it because it’s kind of embarrassing to have to admit that you’re not doing so great.

But the reality is that this industry is brutal. A very small percentage of people will find long term financial success and widespread recognition for their work. Most won’t. It’s one of the only industries where no matter how hard you work, how many hours you put in, how much you train or study, you can still end up getting nowhere. I can’t think of any other industry like this, where so much of who gets ahead can come down to luck; Being at the right place at the right time, meeting a powerful person who will give you a leg up, being born with great genes and growing up to be insanely good looking. This stuff isn’t happening to most of the people struggling to “make it”. In fact, only a tiny percentage of Screen Actors Guild members make more than $5000 per year from their art. This is definitely not enough to live on. And I don’t think the odds are much better for other artists. Often we have to work menial jobs not just to survive but also to help fund our artistic endeavours. Whether it’s funding our own films or paying for headshots, acting classes, art supplies, studio time to record an album – most artists have to spend a lot more money on their craft than they actually make from doing it.

When I was 20 I could never understand how someone that wanted to be an artist could just decide to quit when they got older. Now that I’m almost 30, I can absolutely understand why. Priorities change. When I was 18 and got my first bartending job, I loved it. But now the thought of bartending til 3am on a weekend is my nightmare. When I was 20 I didn’t care if I lived in a shitty share house with 3 other girls and one bathroom. Now I care. Five years ago I wasn’t thinking about having a family any time soon. Now I'm starting to think that if I ever wanna have a kid I should probably start saving now, because kids are fucking expensive!

So why the hell am I still pursuing a career in the arts? Well, that’s a good question. Like many other artists, I just can’t help myself. I wish I could give up and find another career and be happy. But I can’t. Despite all the depression this career causes me, I know I'd probably be more depressed if I gave it up completely.

So look, it’s not like I’m some expert on the matter – I still suffer from many bouts of depression directly related to my career – but as I get a bit older I think I’ve stumbled across some ways to keep the depression at bay much better than I used to. I’m not saying these bits of advice will work for everyone but they have worked for me. Feel free to try some of these on for size if you wanna avoid being the cliché of the depressed, struggling artist:

#1 Spend Time With Regular People

If all your friends are in this crazy business it’s very easy to lose perspective and fall into the trap of thinking that the industry is all that matters. It’s not. Make sure you have good people in your life who couldn’t give a rats ass about the industry or what your IMDB starmeter is. This can be hard in LA, but do your best.

#2 Never, ever EVER Compare Yourself To Others In This Business

I used to do this all the time – sometimes I still do – but I’m getting a lot better at catching myself doing it and telling myself to stop because it’s toxic.

These days, because of social media, it’s way too easy to find out what everyone around you is doing. You can be in a great mood and scrolling through your Facebook feed when suddenly you see a status posted by one of your peers:

“My film just got into Sundance!!! #blessed”

“Just booked the lead in a network Pilot! OMG! #actorlyfe”

“Flying to Hawaii to shoot a feature for 2 months! #livingthedream”

And within seconds you can go from feeling fab to hopelessly wondering “Why the fuck are they going to Hawaii and I’m waiting tables for 8 bucks an hour?”

Who knows why? But remember, it has nothing to do with you. This sounds cheesy, but everyone has their own journey. Some people have it way easier than others and it’s not fair, but life isn’t fair. You can sit around and sulk about it and spend the rest of the day cyberstalking everyone you know on IMDB to see who’s got more going on than you have, or you can go out and do something constructive.

#3 Do Volunteer Work

When I was going through probably the worst depression of my life, not long after I permanently moved to LA in 2013, I used to drive across town to South LA once a week and do volunteer work with an organization that helps underprivelaged middle school kids learn how to read. I’m not telling you this to make myself sound like some amazing, kind hearted person – because I mostly did it for selfish reasons. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself when your career is at a standstill, but spending time with these kids who had the bare minimum was a quick reality check. Made me realize how lucky I actually was. And it felt good to be able to help in some small way. It was the one thing I could look forward to each week during that really shitty time in my life.

#4 Go To Therapy

If you’re a struggling artist you’re probably also broke, so obviously don't go out and book an appointment with the best shrink in town who will charge you anywhere from $100 - $500 per hour. But if you are depressed you should be talking to a professional. Find a cheap one. Even in expensive cities like LA it’s possible for low income earners to find a therapist for as little as $15 an hour. If you don’t like the first therapist you try, keep looking til you find one that you like. And get on meds if you have to. I resisted getting on anti-depressants for years because I thought it would kill my creativity and I wouldn't be able to create interesting art. In fact, when I finally did get on Prozac, I created a lot more art, because I was able to get out of bed in the morning! I became much more focused and proactive. The idea that meds kill your creativity is a myth.

#5 Don’t Binge on Drugs/Alcohol

Yes, I know this is easier said than done, especially when you’re depressed. There’s nothing like putting a bandaid on some low self esteem with a nice bottle of red wine, followed by a shot of tequila, followed by a few lines of cocaine. You’ll feel GREAT while you’re on it, but the following day you’ll want to die (and sometimes you'll wanna die for the entire week). But we all know this. There’s a reason why these substances are called “depressants”, so stay away unless you’re really happy with who you are as a person when you’re sober.

#6 Be Careful of Dating

If you have a long term partner this doesn’t concern you, but if you’re single, beware of dating when you’re depressed about your career. We artists often feel like we have very little control over our careers. This can lead to feelings of desperation.... And when you have all this desperation inside you and not much to do with it, it’s verrrrry easy to transfer those feelings over to your love life. I can’t begin to tell you the amount of times I humiliated myself by being way too desperate on the dating scene the first couple of years I was in LA. Nothing good came from hunting for love when I was terribly unhappy. When potential love interests brushed me off because I was too needy, I just felt way worse. So if you’re feeling creatively unfulfilled, like there’s a big gaping hole inside you, don’t fill that hole up with dick. Just go paint a picture or take a platonic friend to a movie or work on your next screenplay/song/novel/scarf/etc.

#7 Instead of a Plan B find a Plan A-

My mother used to caution me that if I was gonna pursue a career in entertainment, I should really have a Plan B. In other words, a career to fall back on if things didn’t work out. I always dismissed this idea and told her:

“If you have a Plan B to fall back on, you’ll fall back on it. If you give yourself no other option, you’ll be forced to succeed!” 

Ahhhhh. So young, so naïve. But I do think there is something to this philosophy. You don’t necessarily need to find another “career”. You definitely won’t have time to work on your art if you enroll in Law or Medical school. But you should find a steady way to make money that you don’t hate. Let’s call it a 'Plan A-'. Be realistic and know that your chances of making full time income from your art are very slim. So what can you do to pay the bills? 

As I mentioned before, the hospitality industry wasn’t for me. But I do enjoy working with kids, so I work part time as a nanny. I also do some freelancing on the periphery of the filmmaking industry, as an assistant film publicist and I do a few film festival related gigs each year, but honestly, these industry jobs don’t pay anywhere near as much as the nannying does, and they often require lots of unpaid overtime. With nannying I can go to work, do a good job while I’m there, get paid and then go home and not worry about it. I also find it more fulfilling because I feel like I’m a positive influence on the kids lives, and I know they appreciate me way more than my industry bosses do. I’m now also looking to study part time to get some new skills, preferably in youth work or social work so that I can start branching out and exploring other employment options while I continue to make films.

It's tough, but if you can try to remember that your career is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and set yourself up for the long term, you'll be much less likely to quit!